A Question For This Messy Interconnected World

PHOTO BY GLENN CAMPBELL PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTO BY GLENN CAMPBELL PHOTOGRAPHY

I see some of us spiritually-oriented people trying to express spirit in our work - but not always consistently daring to believe, risk, and trust in the messy world that the spirit truly guides.

Are we trying to express our work of deep connection from a foundation built on smallness, fear, selfness? When we're struggling it's easy to get focused on ourselves. Which can make it more difficult to emerge out of the struggle! 

What if, when we're stuck, we choose to direct our focus outward instead and open up? I think the old system, the 'every-man-for-himself' road doesn't work anymore. Tit for tat, time for money - it's over. We have to strongly, fiercely imagine a completely new way. 

These words have been my guide through my messiest times: 

"You can rest assured that if you devote your time and attention to the highest advantage of others, the Universe will support you, always and only in the nick of time." - R. Buckminster Fuller

If this were true (and, it is)...what would you do differently today? 

Four questions about Oxygen's social experiment in donation-based Tango

In November, we changed our approach to pricing at Oxygen Tango. Instead of asking people to “pay” for our “services,” we now offer our full weekly Tango community schedule to all. We request a donation - a gift of any size - from participants and supporters.

Here are four challenges we are tackling as we collectively give birth to this new model:

  • How can we get everyone on the same page?
  • How can we find the right backend technology to support a donation-based school?
  • What if people don’t donate?
  • What if events become too full?

How can we get everyone on the same page?

Situation:
Anything new requires more communication. It is hard for people to believe that we are really donation-centric, since “fee-for-services” is more common in the “dance” world. It takes a lot of dialogue for people to start to see their new role in the community not as passive “consumer” - but rather involved co-creator.

Possible Solution:
If you understand and are passionate about this model, take the time to help others understand the benefits and the values behind those benefits. Our newcomers need your help to make friends with this idea. So do dancers who are returning after a long time away from the school. Compare it to healthy, familiar models like donation-based Yoga or dana-based Buddhism.

How can we find the right backend technology to support a donation-based school?

Situation:
All the dance/fitness/yoga type customer databases are optimized to do one thing: carve time up into tiny pieces, and then exchange those little pieces for money, and track that. It is very hard to kindle community with that kind of focus.

Possible Solution:
We are exploring a variety of options for technology that is simple, affordable, unified, expresses our values and enables our members to connect with the school and each other. Our current software frankenstein is a dead end. We are looking for a better way forward and would be excited to discuss possible solutions with our tech-savvy community members!

What if people don’t donate?

Situation:
Currently, we have recurring donations from $5/month to $120/month and I sincerely celebrate every single one as a true gift that powers connectedness. Everyone donates something. 

Possible Solution: 
As long as participants observe our Community Agreements, they are genuinely welcome at O2. And as long as the community makes available ample financial resources to express Oxygen’s mission in the world, we’ll continue to do that. If we can’t, we’ll share challenges we’re facing, and trust in the generosity, largeheartedness, and respectfulness that powers O2.

What if events become too full?

Situation:
Our practicas have become quite full lately. But I am also aware that Tango has its cycles and there is an ebb and flow as dancers cycle between novelty and nostalgia. So I’m not sure yet if our visitor numbers right now is directly tied to our new model.

Possible Solution:
If we notice that group classes and practicas are uncomfortably full, we will:

  • Request people to RSVP before coming
  • Add classes and practicas to the schedule

In summary: the change is in all of us

You are part of this transformation, and your thoughts, words, actions, and gifting are what will make it work. 

Although it’s still too early to tell whether this is a durable solution, I can say that the initial results are pretty exciting. Since the switch, our membership has grown every month; we can pay the the bills; and the community is rich and diverse, respectful and generous.

Got an idea or a question? Share in the comments or email us! 

Are you really doing what you want?

One thing that's beautiful is to witness how exposure to the passion and creativity of the Tango community inspires people to move their lives in a direction that is more aligned with their authentic self. 

I meet so many people and it's easy by now to spot those who are in inner conflict. When you'e stuck in it - as I was for so many years, as I still am sometimes now - it feels so confusing and tangled. But maybe it can be simpler. 

Three ways we create inner conflict

  • If you want to do it, and you pretend you don't - you'll feel conflicted. 

  • If you don't want to do it, and you pretend you do - you'll feel conflicted. 

  • And if you don't know whether you want to do it or not - but you think you SHOULD know - you'll feel conflicted. 

The main thing I've learned over the years is summed up in my favorite personal adage: "If it's fun, it's fun. If it's not, it's not." 

But, sometimes the really fun things require lots of hours of fun that you think you don't want to have, or that you mistakenly convince yourself isn't fun at all. 

Questions for journaling: 

How can you unify your intent so you are always really doing exactly what you want? What changes do you need to make to your thinking - or your life? How much more honest could you be? 

Tango, Sunlight, and American Culture! And 3 myths about late-night Tango

Photo by Patricia Bijvoet

Photo by Patricia Bijvoet

I have danced many beautiful hours of Tango between midnight and 3am.

Actually, the local who gave me the address of La Viruta, where I went for my first-ever Tango experience in Buenos Aires, said conspiratorially as he passed the slip of paper, “Don’t go before midnight.”

On my second visit, and my third visit, I remember weeks of getting dressed at midnight, showing up to the evening’s first milonga at 1am, and then walking with everyone to the next milonga around 3:30am. It was a very special and unusual kind of experience!

Hm, but, I also remember freezing on my way home, and getting so sick that the rest of my trip was spent in bed. I remember a few creepy characters from those late nights at Tango. I remember being robbed.

I also remember the charming Estudio Dinzel, where there was daytime practice from 10am til 10pm. I think I felt the most connected there. There was a courtyard, a little garden, where people would sit and chat between bouts of dancing. One time a couple of dancers went out and bought a big jar of dulce de leche and warmed up some crepes, we all snacked and passed mate. I learned so much in those long, light, sensual days.

The Tango movement is taking flight in the U.S. and it will be interesting to see how its power becomes fully integrated into American culture - American culture with its daytime work ethic and bright early mornings. It would be natural if the early-evening and daytime dancing that are part of the Tango scene in Argentina become a bigger anchor of Tango socializing here in the States.

Dancing in daylight is beautiful and natural and relaxed and sexy. And as we as a culture transition to a healthier and more sustainable way of integrating Argentine Tango into our lives, we can be aware of the voices inside our heads that are holding on to a paradigm that may not fit our lives:

Tango dancers, do you find yourself believing any of these myths about late-night dancing?

Myth #1: “Being at milongas late at night is the only way to achieve coolness, status and influence.”

I guess I used to think this because of how mysterious and impenetrable the late-night milonga scene was to me. Over time it's just become like any other party scene, though. 

What I've learned is that in Tango, status is accrued over time, through sustained and committed practice, study and exploration; through caring devotion to the people in the community; through an unflagging impulse to connect and stay connected on many levels. All of this can be and has been achieved without being a night-owl.

Myth #2: “The good dancers are the ones who stay up all night."

Hmmmm. Sounds a bit black and white to me. Let's examine.  

Sometimes the most dedicated and experienced dancers do stay or arrive late - like, to La Viruta - because it can be more fun when the floor clears out a bit. But dancers who love Tango are generally pretty free and excited to dance, well, ALL the time, and that includes during the daytime, too.

Actually, probably they are practicing at home right NOW, and if they found out there was a rockin' milonga going on, they'd probably pick up and go out to it.  

I’ve definitely noticed that highly experienced and delightful dancers, whose dance is enchanting and has deepened over years of committed growth (combined with a set of stable life-practices that promote balance and creativity), also often really love to get a full night of sleep. 

Myth #3: "Dancing til 4 or 5am is the only way to be ‘authentically Argentine.’”

That’s not true. People dance at all hours of the day in Argentina.

Now, is there something romantic and mysterious about dancing deep into the night? Yeah! Is there something gorgeous about being awake when most other people aren’t, participating in something inexpressibly beautiful and enchanted? Totally! Does it need to be something you kill yourself to do several times a week to keep up and be part of things? I don’t think so.

There are some wonderful fun late-night events in Tango! Lovely to do them occasionally and really let it rip. But there’s no need to go around sleep deprived, drowsy as you speed alone down highways at 5am. No need to exhaust ourselves, get sick, get grumpy, end up doing worse quality work and stressing our relationships. Instead, we can find (or create!) beautiful daytime alternatives for weaving amazing tango experiences into our lives. (Ladies, check out Ariana Huffington’s wonderful Sleep Challenge, a worthy, transformative, and deeply sane idea!)

Let’s all be creative and unafraid, and seek to discover a truly healthy and even authentically American way of enjoying the gorgeousness of social Tango dancing that includes enough sleep, and more sunshine.  Dancers, let's demand/create/support/organize awesome daytime events! And let's all embrace the many different lifestyles that want to participate passionately in Tango, including those who sleep at night.